People never seem to understand what it's like to be fat. I'm constantly worrying when people look at me, and thinking everyone is talking about my weight behind my back. I hate going to the beach, or wearing anything that shows my legs. Hot weather is horrible, because I need sleeves to hide my huge arms and always wear pants to hide my cankles. I think getting skinny will be a dose of freedom.
The funny thing is, I don't care about other people's weight. I don't get disgusted by huge people, or turned off by them. I look at everyone as a person, and barely notice anyone's weight after my first meeting with them. But when it comes to me, ALL I can see is the weight. Maybe it's because I'm huge and look like a whale, and most people don't, but it's still interesting that I care so much about my weight.
I actually like some other things about me. My hair is frizzy, my eyes are a boring gray, and I'm nothing that is going to turn heads, but I am not completely without looks. I think once I'm not fat anymore, people will think I'm pretty. Maybe my friends will start liking me again too.
I'm not someone that talks about myself or my weight all the time, that's what this blog is for. People seem to constantly use me for things though, so that's why I don't have many friends.
I'm hoping if I keep this up for 6 months, I'll reach my goal weight. It sounds like such a long time, but it really isn't. Two years have flown by since I graduated highschool. Heck, I am graduating college in August. It's very surreal.
I need to remind myself of my reasons for doing this, maybe you can identify. I am tired of being the fat one. I am the biggest person, and only obese person, in my entire family. All of my brothers and sisters are skinny, model bodies (I'm not making this up), and beautiful. My four brothers all lift weights and exercise like crazy, and my two sisters are both a size 0 and can eat anything they want. Then you get to me, the middle child. I am the third youngest (or the youngest if you are only counting blood siblings), the biggest, and the most disappointing.
My father is very superficial. He is ashamed to introduce me to his friends, and at family reunions, he distances himself from me and hangs around his size 0, model wife and her mini-me daughter. Now, my brothers and sisters are all also very nice. We all love each other, and they've never made me feel awkward about my weight, or brought it up. Only my father does. My mother buys me corsets and girdles all the time, so I think she is trying to hint something too.
But I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this for me. I want to be free of all of this weight, have more energy, and start my life anew as the skinny me. In 6 months, I'll be moving to Canada, and I want to be skinny for this, so that's why I'm trying to lose weight so quickly. Plus, why waste time? I'm only young for so long, and weight is much easier to lose while you're young.
I had a 300 calorie limit today. I ate Watermelon and 2 biscuits. I didn't get any protein in, but I will tomorrow with some peanuts. I don't feel hungry at all, but I'm proud of myself for turning down the cookies and donuts I would have eaten before without even thinking about it.
So, it's Day 3, I'm still going strong, and I am loving this diet more and more every day. I feel so in control, like only I am in charge of my body, not my cravings or my fat. I'll find the skinny me. I can do this! :)
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